It was my intention when I started this blog (last week lol), that I would attempt to post twice a week, and I hope to build myself up to that. However, as I’m still riding out the aftershocks of a particularly bad panic attack (thanks job), I’m trying to not be too hard on myself if I don’t follow through with plans.

Last Wednesday was the first time I didn’t wake up with anxiety in more than a month. It took a few days before I started to trust that I was settling back into a “normal” routine. During the last month or so, I’ve been trying to be mindful and consciously recognize what I’ve been doing for my mental health, and I’d like to share a short sampling of that list.

Five Things I’ve Done For My Mental Health

Week of August 13-19, 2023

I Took Daily(-ish) Walks.

I am not now, nor have I ever been someone who enjoys walking “for fun”. If I have a destination in mind, it might be a different story. However, it’s not something I’m ever tempted to do just because.

After the panic attack I started finding myself needing more breaks in the middle of the workday. Sometimes I’m feeling okay, have some time, and want to get some fresh air. Other times, I’m actively seeking a reason to leave my desk – I need the distraction. There’s a park with some baseball fields down the block, and I now have a pretty decent 20-minute route that I’ve begun looking forward to walking. Some days, I take more than one walk before lunch, and others I can make it through most of the day before I start to get restless.

I walk around the park, catch a few Pokemon, and come back to my desk ready to start over.

Also, there are pretty flowers.

I Got Out Of Town.

When I was younger, my dad used to just go on random day trips. He’d drive three hours north to go visit his brother, and then back home again after dark. I didn’t really understand the urge until I hit my thirties. The thought of driving three hours anywhere makes me hesitate most days, but sometimes leaving town is the best medicine. Granted, it’s temporary, but usually whatever is bothering me “lives” in one place, whether it’s my job or a friend or even family. And physically driving away from that stress feels amazing. Even though I have to come back, I usually manage to get enough distance to come back more calm than when I left.

This last weekend, I drove south a couple of hours and visited my sister and her kids for a night. My older niece has somehow become an adult in the last year or so, and it was an experience seeing her working at her first job and talking about driver’s ed. When I look at her, I just feel so much hope — and let me tell you, I can’t remember the last time that happened.

I hung out with the younger one at a town festival, watching her mother/my sister compete in the annual 5K to benefit the cross-country team. We had a lengthy discussion about the movie Elemental and how fire and water could live as a family. I haven’t seen the movie, but it sounds to me like she’s shipping her first couple.

I Rearranged and Reorganized.

I am not now, nor have I ever been a tidy or organized person. I feel like I white-knuckled it through school, and definitely make more of an effort at work, but it doesn’t come naturally, and I find it incredibly difficult.

This week, I decided I needed to get my notes together for my job. I reorganized my OneNote notebook, trying to get everything into a system I thought made a bit more sense. If nothing else, it made going into the weekend so much easier. I knew all my bases were covered and I wasn’t going to walk into a disaster Monday morning

I also came back from my sister’s and rearranged my living room. I moved into this apartment back in April, but still haven’t finished unpacking. I’ve felt like I was just sort of treading water, waiting for something to happen. The anxiety attack took care of that. I was worried for a few weeks that I might have to quit my job, and started scrambling, spiraling a little farther every day. I’m still not feeling like this is 100% permanent, but I’m tired of living in a constant state of transition.

I Took Myself Out On A Date and Bought Myself a Present.

During my living room rearrange last night, I started revisiting the idea of actually hanging pictures on the walls. Currently, the only things hanging on the bare white walls are small, hand-painted signs that say “Self Compassion” — my therapist would be thrilled.

I stumbled across the instagram from a vintage shopping collective not to far from here, and one of the framed pictures caught my eye. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, so when the store opened, I took a day trip and went to visit.

I ended up not getting the print — something about the way the artist had done the faces weirded me out.

Instead I got this:

It’s stuffed full of recipes, mostly hand-written on index cards. There are newspaper clippings from 1959 wedged between some of the cards. And I am now the proud(-ish) owner of at least 9 different fruitcake recipes. I love finding little treasures like this, especially with real handwriting. I’ve got a secret stash of handwritten letters from the 1940’s and 1960’s. One of my most treasured possessions is a metal tin full of playing cards. My great-grandmother left a note under the lid for the grandchildren.

I Showered.

People might find this gross, but I guess I’m cool with it.

Please know that I understand, but as far as my experience goes, feeling clean is so intertwined with my mood that I don’t see the point of pretending it’s not a thing. Many people experience hygiene issues when they’re having problems with their mental health.

Since I started working part-time from home, I no longer feel the need to shower every morning. Many people don’t have a daily shower, but for a short list of really good reasons, I used to shower every morning before work. Now that I can literally just roll out of bed and be on the job some days, it’s less of an automatic habit, and I find I have to be intentional sometimes. It feels like a chore or a box I have to check off, and on bad days, I have a hard time convincing myself why it matters.

When I’m feeling like my moods are smoothed out, I enjoy a shower most nights before bed to help me sleep. But when I’m feeling anxious and exhausted, it’s one of the first things I let slide. The dishes are a close second. After all, if I’m not leaving, and no one is coming in, why must it be done right this second? Or, you know. Ever?

But I kept giving myself reasons this week. Clean sheets — body must also be clean. Going out in public — haven’t even brushed your hair in two days. Going to visit your niece at her new job — cannot be the first relative to embarrass her there.

It’s honestly been weeks since I’ve felt so okay. The anxiety isn’t gone, but it feels smaller, and I feel like I’m starting to get my life back together again as well.

Obviously, everyone has different capabilities, opportunities, and availabilities. Nothing is perfect or universal, and sometimes proven tricks stop working, but these are some things that have been effective for me lately.

Also, if anyone can tell me how to get these images to center align, I would be grateful. In edit mode, they’re already centered, but for whatever reason, they’re showing up left-aligned. I googled it, but I’m brand new and have no idea what they’re talking about.

Have a great week. 🙂